Good Morning Grace!

Dearly beloved,

Before we get any further into Lent, I want to do a little meditation on grace. Being a perfectionist and a passionate person often makes Lent a little fatal for my spiritual life. I've been learning about being a highly sensitive person (there is such a thing... and it's related to genetics!). One way I protect myself as an HSP, is to choose not to compete. Most of us know that Lent is NOT a competition, but let me just say... it can easily become one. (Understatement of the year!) I remember one year when Lent was a competition of holiness in my mind; and I simply rebelled and watched 6 seasons of Bones to drown out the misery of not being as "holy" as my roommate who was eating lentils and little else. (One has to laugh outloud at that sentence). And if it's not a competition with someone else, it can easily become a competition with yourself. If you're not tempted to trumpet what you're giving up, then you're probably tempted to make Lent into a self-improvement project. Note: We cannot make ourselves holy.

Charis: God's tender sense of our misery displays itself in his efforts to lessen and entirely remove it - efforts that are hindered and defeated only by man's continued perverseness. Grace removes guilt.

So, in short, if you find yourself feeling guilty during Lent... whether
a) you feel you aren't giving up enough
b) you feel you HAVE to give something up
c) you gave something up, forgot, and engaged in it

STOP RIGHT THERE! Have a little grace for yourself. You notice that yesterday I did not post. Yesterday I was exhausted. At work, I got so stressed and frustrated, I grumbled (something I've been trying not to do) and kicked a chair... lol. After I kicked the chair, I was like "What kind of impression are you making on your student? (I have a student nurse I'm preceptoring). I told myself "When the going gets rough, you promised yourself you would be calm! YOU'RE NOT CALM". To which myself replied "HOW CAN I POSSIBLY BE CALM with four patients on my own, four turns, two egks to read, two neuro/peripheral vascular checks, insulin to give, blood vitals - oh and by the way the patient has a fever... did this occur before or after starting the blood?, doc's not calling me back, patient in pain and pca pump not coming up ALL IN AN HOUR?" (Don't you love arguments with yourself?) Then I sat down and realized that everything I was worried about, was not going to be fixed by my stress, so I simply gave up. The worst that could happen was I would stay late and fix my mistakes. It was great after that, but the temptation to kick myself (not the chair!) for being stressed for the greater part of the afternoon was severe. But I honestly said, "Self! Be joyful, this is a great time to have a little grace for yourself. Now you're better equipped to stay calm the next time" Then at 11 o'clock I pondered writing about this, but I thought to myself, "You need to have more grace for yourself and not make this blog into a "post every day" legalism! Go to sleep!

So here I am... good morning grace :)

Grace and the resulting peace be upon you
Katie