Some days I feel all drained dry. Some days I can feel the shadows creeping over me the trendrils of darkness trying to pull me into their black despair. I could tell you any number of things today, but sometimes I wonder "what's the point"? Does it really help anyone to have me blabbing my random thoughts? Am I just oversharing? Other people's blogs get passed around like hotcakes... and I know it's not a competition, but sometimes I just feel inferior. It easy to say that one should be able to discharge one's duty without thanks, but it's harder to live it. I once read a story about a man who cleaned the kitchen floor for his wife and was so proud of himself; then his wife came home and naturally missed this detail. He was completely outraged, but she reminded him gently that this was something she did every day. We are so tempted to want our sacrifices glorified when they should be the humble practices we assume daily.
So how does one fight the darkness? I find it best to look at the light and use one's sword. Psalm 119 is chalk full reflections on the word of the Lord. "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto thy path" (v.105). If you've seen the movie "Starstruck", then you'll understand why I like to close my eyes and hold onto God in my mind and let Him shine - washing away the darkness. His light is so bright it literally scours the evil to dust. Sometimes it's hard to discern God's voice in the silence. I saw this on facebook and thought it might help.
When you see that compilation, you quickly realize I've been listening to the darkness. When I feel it creeping up on me, it's because I've been listening to the wrong voices. So even if you feel alone, discouraged, like giving up etc... hear the voice of one who loves you with an everlasting love. He will cover your grumblings, your tiredness, your fears... and bring you to greater glories.
Love,
Katie
Love,
Katie
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