There's something about love that absolutely haunts me. Perhaps it is because as C.S. Lewis says, "To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possible be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal." And yet, it is made ten times worse by his next comment, "The love we are commanded to have for God and our neighbor is a state of the will, not of the affections (though if they ever also play their part so much the better)." So then, I find myself having bound myself to that which will continually wound me. For God so loved the world, he surrendered Himself unto the cross, unto a millenia of stubborn humans refusing his gifts, unto the pain of watching those He loves choose what is harmful to them.
Love is a choice. It is a choice to remain faithful even in the face of faithlessness. It is a choice to do what is best for someone else even when it hurts you. In fact, it is those who hurt us the most that we must love the most. The opposite of love is not even hate - but to be indifferent. It is most tempting to write off those who have hurt us, to blot them out, to numb out their existence. I remember once, when I was 12, writing that I had buried a friend in time. I felt like I needed to bury their potential friendship in order not to be hurt anymore. I was better off with my imaginary friends. It remains the same temptation as I cannot keep in contact with all my college friends. I am probably the silliest person in the world to grieve over each wedding that I am not invited to, to grieve over the boys who I will never be able to keep in contact with because there is no room for heavenly love in this world, to grieve over the existence of my continued affection for those who have forgotten me. But that is the way I was made. And so I will echo the love of my God who waits patiently for you to return to His arms... because He is faithful and abounding in love.
"I do not love you lightly. I love you with the weight of glory. Some day you will understand the full sacrifice I made for you. Some day you will understand your own sacrifices. Your wounds will be closed - never to be reopened. For my love has overcome."
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