I'm all discombobulated! In some cases, I hate holidays (including birthdays) because everything gets thrown off. All my routines, my lenten practices, my hard practiced habits have gone to seed. I had to admit, I'm not very good at discpline/self-control. *Sighs* When I was home, my mom and I talked quite a bit; and I've come to the conclusion that I am not a peaceful person. The problem is... I'm not really sure why. I know I'm not good at trusting God or surrendering... so those are definite problems. One cannot have a quiet heart without trusting in God's goodness, but I don't know how to get any better. So I've decided to do a word search on peace. Here's what I've come up with so far:
Shalav - to be tranquil ie: secure or sucessful - prosper, happy
Shalom - well, happy, friendly... completeness, welfare, health.
Shalam - to be safe -in mind, body, or estate... to be completed
Shelem - sacrifice in thanks
Shalem - complete or perfect- God demanded total obedience from His people "Let their hearts therefore be perfect with the Lord our God"
My heart is agitated. It is stirred up and troubled. Often I find myself anxious. Most of this is because I forget to give thanks. I like that shelem is a sacrifice in thanks. When you offer the Lord the sacrifice of thanks, you receive peace, because you remember how much He has given and how good He is. You quickly regain optimism when you give thanks.
I never feel complete. Part of my agitation is that I'm constantly longing for connection and fulfillment in relationships. I make myself miserable all the time by attending social functions that I believe will satisfy me, but only sometimes do. But one can only find completeness and security when one has spent time with the Lord.
Rebellion: I have a ridiculously stubborn heart. You know those Israelites and their hard hearts? I sympathize. Sometimes, I simply run from God. I don't spend time with Him. I don't ask His opinion. I don't take time to listen. I don't try to see things from His perspective. This results in misery. My heart can only find perfect peace in obedience.
Pray for me that I may be discplined in obedience to the Lord and find His peace. Pray that I may be content in all circumstances. Pray that I may regain my childlike optimism and be able to give thanks in all situations. Pray that I would not be focused on myself - but look to God and the needs of others. Pray that I would find my security and completeness in God alone. Please help me battle!
I will pray that as you surrender more, and hunger more, His peace still your heart.
Katie
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